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Bombette: Welcome back to the Mushroom Bowl for our battle tournament! ...Um, did we ever give the tournament a name besides "Mushroom Bowl Battle Tournament?"
SC: Not really, no.
Bombette: Um, OK. Our referee for tonight is the man who looks like Mr. Skinny in American McGee's Alice, Waluigi!
Waluigi: Wha ha ha! Waluigi is number one!
Bombette: And of course we also have our electric-chair-running Raichu of the Pokian Division, Sparkz, ready to shock poor predictors as always.
Two red pipes rise in the corners of the battle pit.
Bombette: And here are our Semi-Final Opponent Faction contenders! In this corner, Koopaling of ice and a circus freak to boot, Lemmy Koopa!
Lemmy pops out of one pipe, riding his ball.
Lemmy: Cool as ice and smooth as a glacial plain! That's me!
Bombette: And his opponent, every group of thugs needs a guy that can actually think, and for the Koopalings that's Ludwig von Koopa!
Ludwig hops out of the pipe but something is different about him.
Lemmy: Hey bro, what's with the blue helmet and matching tights?
Ludwig: I see you've noticed my new combat outfit. I decided to take inspiration from my favorite video game for this tournament, since I wanted something faintly original.
SC: Mega Man, I take it.
Ludwig: Mega Man original series, to be exact.
Lemmy: Why that game?
Ludwig: Because I'm all about technology, and vhat says technology better than robots trying to blow each other up?
SC: The way the world works these days... I'll allow it. Now for our prediction dice roll.
Bombette: I thought I should point out that you only roll one die.
SC: ...No one asked you. (rolls die) Lucky you, Sparkz. A 6 yet again.
Sparkz: (happy surprise) Raichu?!
A green pipe pops up and out pops Amazee Dayzee.
Amazee: Hello, all my wonderful fans~
Sparkz: (lovey-dovey) Raichu...
SC: What the-?! C'mon man, don't throw yourself before her, she's a pop idol, not a god. ...Oh don't start kissing her feet! Ew! You don't know where those have been! Ugh! Fanboys!
Amazee: My my, it's sweet to see you again, Sparkz~
Sparkz: (hearts in eyes) Raichu rai...
SC: If this keeps up, I'm gonna throw up. Get in the chair, prediction girl.
Sparkz: Rai! Raichu!
SC: Don't defend her, Sparkz! The predictor watches the match from the chair! No exceptions!
Sparkz: Raichu! Rai rai chu rai!
SC: Fine fine! I'm on a schedule here! Just this once I'll get her watch this not in a metal chair. But this is the only time, and if she predicts wrong you shock her whether you're a fanboy or not.
Sparkz: ...Chu. (nods)
SC: We're good then.
Amazee: Aww, it was so sweet of you to defend me like that, Sparkz~ (peck on cheek)
Sparkz: (swoons) Rai... (faints)
Bombette: ...OK, if the fanboy melodrama is all done down there, can we have the prediciton now?
SC: Yes yes, we have seriously digressed. Amazee, Lemmy or Ludwig?
Amazee: Oh Ludwig for sure! Especially with that powerful-looking suit of his! Although it's horribly out of style; helmets went out with the nineties. Tee hee~
SC: Ludwig then. Without further ado, let the party begin! (rings bell)
Waluigi: (blows whistle)
Ludwig: Let's start vith the basics! Mega Buster!
Pow! Pow! Pow!
Lemmy: Whoops! Missed me!
Bombette: Ludwig fired plasma shots at Lemmy with his arm cannon, but the clowny Koopaling danced around them on his ball!
Ludwig: Grr! Charge Shot!
Lemmy: Ye- OW!
Bombette: Ludwig fired a charged up plasma shot at Lemmy's ball, pulling it from under him, but the ball bounced off the wall and hit Ludwig in the face! That helmet should've been outfitted with eye guards.
SC: Sparkz would be laughing at that if he weren't out of it right now.
Amazee: Hee hee~ Such a silly Raichu~
Ludwig: Time to crank out the Master Veapons! Metal Blade!
BZZZZZT! BZZZZZT! BZZZZZT!
Lemmy: YEOW! Watch it! You could hurt somebody!
Bombette: Ludwig's suit turned brown and started to fire saw blades at Lemmy, who is barely able to dodge without his ball!
Lemmy: What the-?!
Ludwig: Vhoa. Didn't see that coming.
Bombette: And one of the saw blades has just sliced off almost all of Lemmy's hair.
SC: He looks like a bald Iggy. Heh.
Bombette: Uh oh. Looks like Lemmy's boiling over. His face is turning all red.
Lemmy: Why you little...!
Ludwig: Vho are you calling "little"?
Lemmy: I LOVED THAT HAIR! YOU DIE NOW! ICE WAVE!!
Ludwig: Ahh! Can't slip into shell in this suit! Atomic Fire!
Lemmy: NO FAIR!
Ludwig: All is fair in love and battle tournaments!
Bombette: In his anger, Lemmy sent a large wave of ice toward his opponent, but Ludwig managed to melt a hole in it and slip through!
Lemmy: GAH! SNOWBALL SNOWBALL SNOWBALL!!
Ludwig: Vhoa- oof!
Bombette: Lemmy started waving his wand around recklessly and throwing snowballs everywhere, one of which hit Ludwig in the face!
SC: Let's mix things up. GO, Random Event!
Bombette: And the reels are stopping on... five, three, and five. With a sum of thirteen, what's our new unlucky event? The hatches in the pit walls are opening and out comes...
mew mew mew mew mew
Ludwig: Vhat is the meaning of this?!
Bombette: A huge group of black cats?!
SC: What can I say? They were cheap down at the local shelter.
Ludwig: GAH! CATS!!
SC: What the...?!
Bombette: And Ludwig, scared to death of the cats, ran up the pit wall and out of the pit, and the Mushroom Bowl.
Waluigi: Ring-a out! Lemmy is-a the winner!
SC: Ludwig is afraid of cats?!
Lemmy: Playful doesn't exactly leave a very fond childhood memory in her wake. And before you ask, I'm reffing next match.
Bombette: OK then, while we get Lemmy out of the cat pen down there, I suppose that's the end of another Mushroom Bowl battle.
SC: OK, all that's left is to shock the Dayzee and- hey, where's my shock victim? Where's my shocker?! Huh, a note...? "Dear SC, we have decided to go out on a date together, be back soon. Signed, Sparkz and Amazee." Ooh, just my luck. Like the guy with the cool new gimmick getting kicked out. End transmission...
This Game's Winner Is...