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Bowser: Bwa ha ha! Unwelcome, you all, to the Mushroom Bowl battle arena for the first ever Semifinal match! I'm Bowser, King of all Koopas and soon to be champion of this scrawny little ring! Your announcer tonight is that pathetic excuse for a Brit, Dicer.
SC: We had an agreement, ugly. You leave your bias against the Game Over out of this.
Bowser: Yeah yeah, whatever.
Two blue pipes rise out of the corner.
Bowser: Anyway, here're the Mushroom Kingdom's pathetic hopeful champions. In that corner over there is a guy that looks like he should be on my side, even though it won't do me an ounce of good, Waluigi.
Waluigi hops out of one of the blue pipes.
Waluigi: Wha ha ha! Waluigi is number one!
Bowser: And in that other corner thing, that stupid green donkey that doesn't feel bad about throwing its own unborn children, Yoshi.
Yoshi leaps out of the other blue pipe.
SC: Now now, what did I say?
Bowser: To leave my bias against the Game Over out of the commentary. However, you said nothing about my bias towards the opponents.
SC: ...whatever. Let's see who will be Sparkz's next potental victim.
Sparkz: Raichu rai?
SC: I keep telling you, the die will say six only if it wants to. (rolls die) A three. Again.
The green pipe rises and Lord Crump pops.
Lord Crump: Zvarri! It's one again time for Lord Crump's CRUMP-O-BOMB Prediction Sho- (Red Glove Grabbers strap him in) Ow!
SC: Congrats, Crump, you get to be the first prediction guy of the semifinals, and if things turn out the way I hope, the first victim of Sparkz's Thunderbolt attack as well. Waluigi or Yoshi?
Lord Crump: Buh! Buh! Buh huh huh! Is it not obvious? Yoshi winning was a fluke! A chance in a thousand!
SC: Actually, an 11 on the Random Event Slots has a probably of 3/25, or twelve percent.
Lord Crump: Whatever! Doesn't change that Waluigi won his match with skill and cunning! My confidence is on him! Zvarri!
SC: Seriously, it's getting annoying. I'm hoping for Yoshi winning because then I won't have to listen to you anymore.
SC: Neither can Sparkz, apparently. Let's get this party started! (rings bell)
Dicer: (blows whistle)
Waluigi: Bob-omb Lob!
Bowser: The stick has opened by throwing a bomb. Real original.
Yoshi: Yup! *gulp*
Bowser: And the donkey snatched the bomb out of the air with its tounge and ate it, producing an egg. Whoopie.
SC: Step it up, pepper breath. This is a battle commentary, not a funeral procession.
Bowser: Then tell them to do something interesting. Sheesh.
Waluigi: Racket Swing!
Bowser: And the donkey threw the egg at the stick, who knocked it back at the donkey and hit him in the nose. And it looks like that really hurt the donkey, since it just fell down. Uneventfully.
Waluigi: Bob-omb Ball! Ser-VICE!!
BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
Yoshi: Waa! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Yoshi!
Bombette: How surprising. It got up just in time to dodge all those bombs the stick smacked his way.
SC: Look, if this is so dull, why don't I shake things up? Roll the Random Event Slots!
Bowser: And the ever-so-boring numbers are... one, four, and two.
SC: Which adds up to seven, so the first Random Event of the Semifinals is... this!
Waluigi: What the-?!
Bowser: Three giant dice tumble from gates in the wall into the battle pit and... stop. Hold on, now they're opening up! A Boo emerges from the 4 result, an X-Naut from the 5 result, and a Chargin' Chuck from the six result!
SC: Excitin' enough for ya now, Bowser-boy?
Boo: *cackles* Things are gonna get spooky now!
Waluigi: Back off, you-a stupid specter! Bob-omb Ball!
Boo: Outta Sight!
X-Naut: Ow! No fair, I didn't even do anything!
Bowser: The stick tried to hit the Boo with a Bob-omb, but it just turned transparent and blew away the X-Naut instead!
Boo: *cackles* Can't touch me!
Waluigi: Says-a you! Bob-omb Ball!
Boo: Owowowow! Forget Outta Sight, I'm outta here!
Bowser: Well whattaya know? The stick has brains! He turned away from the Boo and bounced the Bob-omb off the wall so it hit it while his back was turned, causing the Boo to disappear!
Waluigi: Not that that's-a settled, back to-a busi-
Waluigi: Owow! Mama mia!
Yoshi: Nonie nonie whoo hoo!
Bowser: Whoa! Where'd that giant egg come from!?
SC: Offhand I'd say a swallowed Chargin' Chuck.
Yoshi: Hup! Grrrrr!
Bowser: And Yoshi's curled up, turned himself into an egg, and has started rolling at high speed toward his opponent.
Waluigi: Uh oh! Racket Swing! Yaa!
Bowser: Amazing! Waluigi hit the wall with his racket, vaulting him over Yoshi, causing Yoshi to hit the wall instead!
Waluigi: Finishing move! Bob-omb Blitz!!
Yoshi and Waluigi: Waaaaaaaa!!
Bowser: Waluigi threw a ton of Bob-ombs at once and the massive explosion sent them both flying up into the air!
Bowser: ...And into the overhead display monitors. Hard.
SC: In the event that either of those two win the tournament, I'm taking the price of repairing those dents out of the prize money.
Bowser: And it looks like they're barely conscious and badly burned, but down and not out! They're both clinging to the bottom edges of the display monitors!
Yoshi: Waa! Yup!
Bowser: Yoshi's fingers slipped and he started to fall, but he used his tounge to grab the monitor!
Waluigi: The perfect opprotunity! Bob-omb Lob!
Yoshi: Waa! Owowowowowow... OOF!! Waaaa...
Bowser: And Waluigi threw a Bob-omb at Yoshi's tounge, causing him to drop back into the pit! And it looks like that's it!
Dicer: Match over! The winner is Waluigi!
Waluigi: As I-a always say, Waluigi is number one!
SC: Lakitus, get the winner down! And someone get me a soft pretzel! Watching battles makes me hungry.
Bowser: I now join Waluigi as the Game Over's Lakitu forces bring him down. Will you be the announcer or referee during the next match?
Waluigi: I-s already had my announcing time. I'll-a ref this-a time.
Bowser: Yeah yeah whatever. Anyways, thanks for joining us at for tonight's boringexiting Mushroom Bowl battle! This is Bowser Koopa, signing off! Now, how much am I getting paid to do this?
Lord Crump: My prediction was right! Let me outta the chair!
SC: Not until you stop saying Zvarri for no real reason.
Lord Crump: Never! It's a snazzly word! Zvarri!
SC: All right then, Mr. Atmey, you can just stay there until the next battle starts. And given my updating schedule, that'll be a few months. End trasnsmission.
This Game's Winner Is...