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Bombette: Welcome, one and all, to Mt. Majesty's Mushroom Bowl battle pit for the maiden battle of the Mushroom Bowl Tournament! I'm Bombette, your default announcer for this season, coming to you from the announcer's booth down near the pit. And down by the pit is the Boomerang Bro, Dicer, who will be the default referee. Say hi to the people, Dicer!
Dicer (shouting into crowd): Hi to the people, Dicer!
Bombette (laughs nervously): I'm sure he's just joking, folks... Anyways, tonight's match is the first of the quarterfinal rounds, and the winner will proceed to the semifinals! It's time to introduce tonight's fighters from the Mushroom Faction!
The battle bit is a large cube-shaped hole in the ground. Two blue pipes rise out of opposite corners.
Bombette: In this corner, the head of the Mushroom Kingdom while the King is out on vacation (and has been for the past several years), let's hear a round of applause for Princess Peach!
The crowd cheers as Peach emerges from one of the pipes.
Peach: No matter who I fight, I'll win this!
Bombette: And her opponent, coming in at so heavy he almost broke the scales, the greedy mad-and-muscleman known as Wario!
Wario bursts out of other pipe, cracking it some, and lands with a slam.
Wario: WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA! With this girl as my opponent, I'll easily smash my way to the semifinals!
Peach: Oh yeah?
Peach: Oh yeah?
Dicer: Hold on, blokes! Wait till the bell before you start hitting each other!
Bombette: And now for the prediction of our winner, a die will be rolled by the host of the tournament and founder of the Game Over, supercomputer276!
supercomputer276 (in announcer's booth next to Bombette and holding six-sided die): All right, let's see what we got!
Bombette: The die is cast, and we have... Two! The result is two! And that means our predictor for this round will be one of our very own Game Over Commandos, Doopliss!
A green Warp Pipe emerges in front of the booth and sc276 and Bombette holding a wireless microphone move toward it as Doopliss emerges from it.
Doopliss: So I take it I got chosen.
sc276: Right, and guess what? If you don't choose right, you're taken off the list and I have to find someone else to take side number two. So pick! Wario or Peach?
Doopliss: Big duh! Wario has the experience and the strength! He'll send Peach to the emergency room within the first ten minutes at the most!
Peach: After I beat up this fatso, I'm going after you.
Doopliss: You wish! I'm outta here!
sc276: Like you say, you wish. (pulls out remote control and presses button)
Doopliss: Wha the-?!
Bombette: I don't believe it! Red Glove Grabbers emerged from the announcer's booth and strapped Doopliss in an electric chair that attached to the booth's front!
Doopliss: What's the meaning of this?!
sc276: Simple. If Peach wins, I throw this here switch and BZZAP! The residue charges will last for the rest of the season to make sure you don't make the predictors list again!
Doopliss: Wario, if you don't win this, I swear, I'm gonna kill you!
Wario: Once again, you wish!
Doopliss: That line's gonna be a running gag, isn't it?
sc276: You wish. Let's get this party started! (rings bell)
Dicer: (blows whistle)
Wario: Power Dash!
Peach: WHA- OOF!
Bombette: Peach ran forward to get started, but Wario charged and rammed her into the wall!
Peach: Parasol Swing!
Wario: Hm? Was that a breeze?! Wha ha ha!
Bombette: Peach recovered quickly and swung her parasol at Wario, but it doesn't look like it did anything.
sc276: Like Pokémon puts it, "It's not very effective..."
Doopliss: War-i-o! War-i-o!
Peach: Angry Vibes! Parasol Swing!
Wario: GACK- OOF!!
Bombette: What a comeback! Peach suddenly got pumped up and swung again, this time sending Wario across the pit! And... yes, the front of Wario's shirt where the parasol hit has caught fire!
Wario: It has? WAAAAAAAAA!!
Bombette: And now Wario has just noticed and has starting running around the arena at random!
sc276: I think it's time to shake things up.
Dicer: You don't mean...
sc276: That's right! Time for the first RANDOM EVENT! Spin the slots!
Bombette: The slots on top of the booth spin around... and the results are... Four! Two! Three! The sum is nine, and that means...
Bombette: Tightropes have begun to span all over the pit just as Wario ran into a wall, which both knocked him down and put out the fire! And there it starts!
Peach: What on Pilt?!
Bombette: The floor is opening up to reveal the bottomless pit below the battle pit! Um, why did we install a bottomless pit?
sc276: I was running out of Random Event ideas.
Bombette: Both fighters have grabbed the ropes as the floor finished retracting and are hanging from them like from monkey bars! It'll be a battle of agility now!
Doopliss: Can I change my mind and say Peach will win?
sc276: Double-crossers get double-voltage.
Doopliss: Considering I work for you, I thought you'd treat me with respect!
sc276: If I didn't respect you, I would've ripped your sheet off a long time ago. Now be quiet and watch.
Wario and Peach: Hup!
Bombette: Back in the pit, both contestants have flipped themselves up and are now attempting to maintain their balance!
Wario: Waaa... waaaa...
Bombette: Wario is having trouble staying on, but Peach is moving relatively quickly down toward her opponent!
Peach: Hup! Hup! Hup!
Bombette: Peach has now bounded across the ropes and is now standing on the rope Wario's still trying to balance on! But wait! Why is Wario grinning?
Wario: Heh heh! Ground Pound!
Bombette: I can't believe it! Wario is ground pounding into the pit!
Bombette: It's amazing! Wario broke his pound by grabbing the tightrope, not only saving him from an automatic loss, but knocking Peach off balance! In fact, the pound greatly increased the verocity of the shake at least tenfold!
sc276: And now I'm gonna throw in my next shake! Random Event slots, go!
Bombette: One! Four! Two! That's a seven, so what happens now? Wait! What's that hiss?
Peach: (cough) Hee hee... What's this? Hee hee hee...
Wario: Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! Wha ha ha ha ha!
Bombette: Wait... that hiss wasn't...
sc276: Yep! Laughing gas!
Peach: Ha ha! Not fair! Ha ha ha- whoa!
Bombette: The laughing has thrown Peach off balance! She's falling!
Bombette: No wait! Peach has saved herself by grabbing the rope!
Wario: Wha ha! Looks like a game of chicken! Wha ha ha!
Peach: Ha ha ha! Why not? Ha ha! I'll beat you anyway! Ha ha ha ha!
Bombette: Looks like they're taking the path of least resistance and have started moving along the rope hand-over-hand toward each other! And they're both laughing like maniacs!
Doopliss (chanting): Go, go, Wario!
Bombette: The two are reaching each other, and they've started kicking, trying to knock each other off! Most of them seem to be missing due to their laughing, but the gas seems to be wearing off, they're not giggling as loud!
sc276: This'll be interesting...
Dicer: How's that, boss?
sc276: Neither of them have a lot of leg strength.
Peach: Happy Vibes!
Bombette: Peach suddenly started glowing and her kicks are becoming faster and more accurate!
sc276: Considering Wario's size, how could they miss before?
Wario: Ow! Watch- OW! It! OW!!
Bombette: Wario is taking a beating out there!
Doopliss: Dear DAD, no!
Wario: Swing Shot!
Bombette: Wario's begun to swing around and around on the tightrope like an acrobat! Peach has stopped kicking; one wrong move and Wario's velocity will send her hurdling into the pit!
Bombette: Wario let go and is now flying across the pit!
Doopliss: C'mon, c'mon...
Bombette: Yes! He's grabbed another tightrope!
sc276: I wouldn't sigh in relief just yet. Random Event, go!
Bombette: There go the slots! Four! One! Five! Add 'em up, and that's ten! So what's number ten?
sc276: whisper whisper whisper...
Bombette: WHAT?! You're not-
sc276: Just do your job.
Bombette: OK, but this idea's probably overkill... The floor has started to reappear and the tightropes are contracting back into the wall.
Peach and Wario: Hup!
Bombette: The two contestants land the dismount as the cages above the entrances to the Bowl start to open! Ladies and gentlemen in the audience, please do not panic as-
Bombette: -Chain Chomps come out of the cages and rush down the aisles toward the battle pit!
Chain Chomps: ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!
Peach and Wario: CHAIN CHOMPS?!?!
Dicer: Bombette's right, boss! Chain Chomps are overkill!
sc276: Oh c'mon, they're only medium-sized. They should be thankful that only three Random Events are allowed per match. Now get back to refereeing.
Bombette: The Chain Chomps have reached the edge of the pit and are diving down into it!
Chain Chomps: ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF! ARF!
Bombette: This is what I mean by overkill; the two contestants have completely forgotten about fighting each other and instead are spending most of their time fleeing from the Chomps!
sc276 (singing): You better run for your life if you can, little girl...
Doopliss: I can't tell whether the pro that Peach is threatened outweighs the con that Wario is threatened.
Wario: Power Dash! Power Dash!
Peach: Surprised Vibes!
Bombette: Wario is maintaining his distance from the Chain Chomp by rapidly dashing away from it! Peach, on the other hand, is still struggling! Her Surprised Vibes gave her a large speed boost, but Chomp is still gaining!
sc276: Those of you with weak stomachs may want to skip the next few lines.
Bombette: Closer... closer... and CHOMP! The Chain Chomp has caught up and it grabbed Peach with his mouth!
Chain Chomp: CHOMP! CHOMP!! CHOMP!!!
Peach: OW! OW!! OW!!!
Bombette: Oh, another example of overkill! The Chain Chomp is chewing up the princess! Looks like she's dinner if the match doesn't end-
Dicer: I declare the match over! Wario is the winner!
sc276: Security! Get in there and sedate those Chomps for in case ten comes up again! And get Peach out; if I have a casualty in the first match, people are gonna stop coming.
Wario: WHA HA! Wario's the winner!
Bombette: Congratulations, Wario, you've just become a semifinalist!
Wario: Does it come with a cash bonus?
Bombette: Win the tournament, and you'll get the solid gold Mushroom Bowl trophy, appraised for millions of coins. Will that do?
Wario: I suppose...
Bombette: And all fighters receive a consolation prize of 100 coins at a time determined by supercomputer276. But right now, Wario, you have the choice of being either the announcer or referee for the next Quarterfinal match in the Opponent Faction. Which will you be?
Wario: Hmm... I'm not much of a talker... I'll ref.
Bombette: OK then! That's all for now at the Mushroom Bowl battle pit! I'll be seeing you again next time!
Several hours later...
Doopliss: Hello! Bombette! Dicer! sc! Anybody! I'm still strapped to this electric chair! (sigh) End transmission.
This Game's Winner Is...